When the Body Says No: What Gabor Maté Teaches Us About the Cost of Ignoring Our 3 Brains

Christoffel Sneijders
Aug 5
4 min read

Why do so many kind, responsible, empathic people end up ill, burned out, or in chronic emotional pain?

In his powerful book When the Body Says No, physician and author Gabor Maté invites us to look beyond the surface. He shows us that many chronic illnesses are not caused simply by genetics or external stressors, but by decades of self-suppression: saying "yes" when we mean "no," prioritising others over ourselves, and exiling our true needs.

This insight resonates deeply with what I’ve witnessed in my own work using the 3 Brains Intelligence model. Often, the clients I coach are not suffering from a lack of knowledge, they’re suffering from inner misalignment. Specifically, a dominance in the Heart Brain, paired with a suppressed Gut Brain.

Illness as a Messenger, Not a Mistake

Gabor Maté shares stories that are both heartbreaking and eye-opening:

A hardworking CEO, diagnosed with cancer, who continues taking a nutritional supplement he hates because he doesn't want to upset his wife.
A dedicated doctor who develops ALS after a lifetime of self-denial, people-pleasing, and stress internalisation.
A palliative care patient who never learned to say no, and only felt peace once he allowed himself to stop trying to make others comfortable.

In each case, Maté reveals a hidden thread: the body begins to break down when we consistently override its needs to maintain attachment or social acceptance.

And isn’t that exactly what a dominant Heart Brain does? It drives us to seek approval, to avoid conflict, to give more—even at the cost of our own well-being.

In his book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, he shares stories from working over 12 years in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside. Every person with addiction has experienced sexual abuse or family trauma. He consistently reframed addiction as a normal response to deep pain, not a moral failure.

My Story: When the Gut Brain Takes Over

Interestingly, I came from the opposite path. I was bullied as a child. Day after day, my nervous system learned that the world was unsafe and that showing vulnerability came with consequences.

So I adapted.

I developed a dominant Gut Brain—the part of our intelligence responsible for survival, fight, flight, or freeze. My protectors became strength, control, and untouchability. I learned to anticipate threats, to push through, never to show fear.

On the outside, I looked successful: I was productive, efficient, and strong. But on the inside, I was shut down.

It wasn't until I entered my 30s, starting my journey as a leadership coach and trainer, that I began to notice something was missing: connection, softness, and joy. My Gut Brain had served me well, but at the cost of silencing my Heart.

Just like those Maté describes whose Gut Brain goes silent to serve their Heart, I have done the reverse. However, both are forms of trauma adaptation. Both lead to imbalance, and both come with a cost.

The 3 Brains and the Disease-Prone Personality

Maté refers to a "disease-prone personality"—not as a judgment, but as a wake-up call. People with this pattern:

Constantly prioritise others' needs
Suppress anger or frustration
Fear disapproval
Feel responsible for everyone around them

He doesn’t pathologise these traits. Instead, he shows they often stem from childhood experiences of conditional love, where the message was: "You’re only lovable when you’re good, quiet, helpful."

In 3 Brains language, these individuals are Heart Brain-dominant, with powerful Protectors like:

The Pleaser
The Approval-Seeker
The Conflict-Avoider

Meanwhile, their Gut Brain—the part that sets boundaries, senses danger, and says, "Enough!"—is muted.

One Client, Three Brains Out of Sync

I once worked with a brilliant woman, a senior HR leader, who came to me with chronic fatigue. She had tried therapy, journaling, even breath-work retreats. But the exhaustion never left.

In our sessions, she realised something stunning: she had spent decades keeping peace in her family, in her workplace, even in her marriage. She thought she was being kind.

But her Gut was screaming.

“I feel it in my stomach,” she said one day, “like a rock. But I don’t want to be rude.”

Her Heart wanted to be loved. Her Head understood the cost. But her Gut had been locked out of the decision-making room.

Through our work, she began reconnecting with that Gut voice. At first, it was subtle: a tight chest when agreeing to something she didn’t want to do. A headache after silencing her opinion. Slowly, she began to say no. To rest. To eat when she was hungry. To listen when her body said, “Stop.”

That’s when her energy returned. Not because of a miracle cure, but because she stopped betraying her biology.

From Awareness to Alignment

Like Gabor Maté, I believe the body holds wisdom. But where he leaves off, the 3 Brains model picks up the path forward.

Which Brain is dominating you?
Which is silent?
What belief is your Protector repeating, and is it still true?

For some, healing begins by activating the Gut Brain: learning to say no, set boundaries, and reclaim instinct. For others - like the younger me - it’s about reawakening the Heart Brain: to trust, to soften, to feel safe enough to connect.

When we align all three - Head, Heart, and Gut - we become whole. Not perfect. But finally, fully ourselves.

You Are Not Your Protector

To anyone reading this who recognises themselves in Maté’s stories or mine, please know this: you are not broken. Your behaviours made sense. They were, and sometimes still are, survival strategies, shaped by your context.

But now, it’s time to check: is your system still serving you? Or is your body beginning to say, "No"?

You don’t need another mindset trick. You need to bring your full intelligence back online.

Want to discover your dominant Brain?

Take the free 3 Brains Dominance Test and find out what’s driving your decisions:

Take the Test: https://www.3brainsintelligence.com/3-brains-preference-test

Or join the next 3 Brains Intelligence training and learn how to coach, lead, and live from alignment: 🔗 Explore the Certification. https://www.3brainsintelligence.com/3-brains-coaching-development-overview