Why You Keep Saying 'Follow Your Heart' or 'Trust Your Gut' is so wrong!
- Christoffel Sneijders
- 28 minutes ago
- 5 min read
The Biological Truth Behind Mistakes, Decisions and Regret
There is one universal truth nobody admits easily.
No human being likes making mistakes.
Not in business.
Not in love.
Not in leadership.
Not even in the privacy of their own thoughts at three in the morning.
And there is a biological reason for that.
Our 3 internal brains all hate mistakes.
Yes, we have 3 actual brains, neuroscience confirmed that in the 1990s, your heart and gut are actual brains with neuroscience, memories and the capacity to make independent decisions.
Still, each of them hates mistakes for a different reason.
The Gut hates mistakes because, for most of human history, a mistake meant danger.
You either got eaten or you did not eat.
The Heart hates mistakes because emotional loss, rejection or disconnection once meant being pushed out of the group.
And being pushed out meant fewer chances to survive.
The Head hates mistakes because its entire purpose is prediction.
It maps cause and effect.
A mistake disrupts that map and signals failure.
So if all 3 internal brains dislike mistakes so much, how is it possible that we still make them?
The answer is simple and brutal.
You make mistakes whenever you follow only one internal brain and don’t listen to the other two.
Because each of your 3 internal brains is trying to protect you from a different danger, they often pull you in different directions.
And when you follow only one of them, you ignore two-thirds of your intelligence.
This is exactly why people say
I followed my heart,
I listened to my gut instinct,
or
I thought about it and analysed all the pros and cons.
These sentences are not clichés.
They reveal which internal voice was leading at that moment.
And if the decision went wrong, it means the other two voices never had a chance to be heard.
Before we go anywhere hopeful, we start where your biology starts.
With danger.
Your internal system scans for threats long before you become consciously aware of them.
Each of your 3 internal centres scans for a different type of danger.
Your Gut checks if something is safe or risky.
Its job is survival, so it reacts faster than thought.
Your Heart checks if something will bring acceptance or rejection.
Its job is connection, so it reacts to anything that feels like emotional loss.
Your Head checks if something will destabilise your understanding or create uncertainty.
Its job is prediction, so it reacts to anything that confuses the model.
Three internal scanners.
Three different forms of danger.
Three different agendas are doing their utmost best to protect you.
This is why you feel torn during decisions.
Part of you wants to act.
Part of you wants to wait.
Part of you wants to protect.
Part of you wants to connect.
Part of you wants to escape.
Part of you wants to speak up.
And you think something is wrong with you.
Nothing is wrong with you.
You are simply experiencing 3 threat systems firing at once.
Only after they finish scanning for danger do they pursue success.
What can I gain from this?
How can I be loved more?
How can I make the best logical decision?
And here is where things become tricky.
To whom are you going to listen?
Theoretically, we should say to all and interpret their opinions into a single strategy, decision, and action, but in real life, we seldom do.
Every bad decision happens the moment you let only one of them take over and shut the others out.
When the Gut takes over, you act too fast and ignore emotional consequences.
When the Heart takes over, you say yes even when you should say no because you fear loss of connection.
When the Head takes over, you freeze, overanalyse and hesitate until the moment passes.
This is not a weakness; it is biology.
And when the outcome hurts, something else appears.
Regret.
Regret is not an emotion.
It is a Head Brain strategy that activates when the Heart or Gut carries unresolved pain, such as grief, shame, guilt or failure.
The Head tries to protect you by rewriting the past:
If I had done this,
If I had said that,
What could I have done differently?
Why did this happen?
These thoughts feel like a reflection.
They are not.
It is rumination.
They are an attempt to control future pain by obsessively re-running the past.
Just as a scientific fact, regret only appears once the Head develops the concept of time, the if-then reasoning, which happens around age seven.
That is the moment a child becomes capable of punishing themselves mentally for something they cannot change.
The more the Head tries to take control, the more the Gut becomes defensive.
That is when people procrastinate, avoid decisions, distract themselves or slip into anxiety.
All from one mechanism.
One internal voice is taking over and shutting out the others.
So, how do you break the pattern?
How do you stop making decisions you later regret?
And how do you stop fighting yourself?
Start here.
Just look at your last 3 decisions.
Who made them, as far as you can recall? Your Head, Heart or Gut?
Then ask
Which internal voice did I not listen to?
Which threat felt strongest?
Which part of me tried to protect me?
Which gain was so appealing that I ignored the other signals?
You will see your pattern become clearer.
Did your Head push for prediction and clarity?
Did your Heart bring strong feelings of connection and meaning?
Did your Gut slam in with power, drive and action?
Real leadership appears when these 3 internal centres work as a team.
Clarity from the Head
Connection from the Heart
Power, drive and action from the Gut
Real courage only appears when the Heart gives purpose to the Gut’s power.
But none of them should lead alone.
That is when your decision-making shifts from survival to alignment.
That is when regret stops.
That is when the constant internal conflict finally quiets down.
So stop saying 'Follow Your Heart' or 'Trust Your Gut'
Your life changes the moment you stop letting the loudest internal voice dominate and start listening to the one you have ignored.
When all 3 voices sit at the table, your decisions stop being reactions and start becoming choices.
Be smart, check who is leading your life for free
If you want to discover which internal voice dominates your system and where your blind spots are, take the free 3 Brains Preference Test.
It shows you in 5 minutes what years of guesswork probably never revealed.
If you want to help others master this biological clarity, explore the 3 Brains Coach Certification Training.
Leaders, coaches and therapists use it to create real behavioural change at the level where decisions are actually made.
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