Brené Brown, Values, and the Missing Link: How Your 3 Brains Unlock the Compass That Never Fails
- Christoffel Sneijders
- Aug 11
- 13 min read

If you’ve ever read Brené Brown or watched one of her TED Talks, you’ll know she has a gift for naming the emotional truths we all feel but rarely articulate. She’s brought the language of vulnerability, courage, and empathy into boardrooms, classrooms, and kitchens worldwide — and made it safe for people to talk about what really matters.
One of her most practical contributions is the way she teaches people to live into their values — not just write them down, but practise them when life tests you. That’s powerful work.
And yet, after decades of coaching and training leaders, I’ve noticed a missing link in how people do “values work” — not in Brené’s concept itself, but in how it’s applied in the real world. It’s the same blind spot I see in many leadership programmes and team culture initiatives:
We confuse values with behaviours, group norms, priorities, or slogans.
When you mistake one for the other, you can end up with a list of nice-sounding words that look great on a wall or website, but collapse under pressure. In moments that matter, they don’t act as a true compass.
This is where 3 Brains Intelligence - the science of your Head, Heart, and Gut brains - adds a layer of precision that makes values not only clear, but liveable.
Brené Brown’s Definition of Values and Why It Works
Brené Brown defines a value as:
a way of being or believing that we hold most important.
Living into our values, she says, means aligning our intentions, words, thoughts, and behaviours with what we truly hold sacred.
In her workshops, she challenges people to narrow their list of potential values down to just two core ones. The logic is simple: if everything is important, nothing truly drives you. Two values become your North Star — the principles you reach for when choices are hard and trade-offs are real.
This is excellent advice. Without a short, clear list, values become wallpaper: something you glance at but never use.
For me, I prefer the rule of three, perhaps because of the way our brains are wired to remember in threes. We have the three musketeers, Donald Duck’s nephews (Kwik, Kwek, and Kwak), and the three little pigs. Three core values give you enough diversity to navigate life’s complexity without diluting the focus.
Where It Gets Muddy
When people are asked to name their values, they often give answers like:
“I respect my parents.”
“We share opinions honestly.”
“We value our customers.”
“We play as one team.”
These sound positive, but they’re not pure values. They’re:
Behaviours: “I respect my parents” is one way of expressing Respect, but it’s situational.
Group norms: “We share opinions honestly” is a team agreement on how to live values like Honesty or Transparency.
Organisational statements: “We value our customers” may reflect Service or Care, but it’s marketing language, not the value itself.
If you treat a behaviour, group norm, or organisational statements as a value, it’s fragile. Change the job, the team, or the context, and suddenly your “value” doesn’t apply anymore.
True values don’t change when your circumstances do.
The Second Trap — Values vs. Priorities
Another mix-up I see constantly: people confuse values with priorities.
A value is a deep, universal principle that guides your decisions in all areas of life, like Integrity, Compassion, or Freedom.
A priority is what you focus on or protect in a particular season, like family, health, or career growth.
Your priorities shift with time. Your core values remain.
If someone says, “Family is the most important thing in my life,” that’s a legitimate priority. But the values that guide how they show up for family, perhaps Love, Loyalty, or Care, are what actually drive behaviour in every domain.
When we keep values and priorities separate, we avoid building our compass on shifting sands.
The way to make it happen: The 3 Brains Intelligence Lens
Here’s where the 3 Brains framework brings the missing precision:
Heart Brain: where your true values live; the deep drivers of connection, meaning, and belonging.
Head Brain: works with rules, strategies, and policies. That’s where organisational codes of conduct live.
Gut Brain: deals with instinct, risk, and protection. That’s where competitiveness, company objectives, compliance, and survival reflexes operate.
When someone lists “values” that are actually Head Brain rules or Gut Brain reflexes, they’re naming conditions for belonging, not unshakeable principles.
That’s not wrong, but it’s not the same as naming what will guide you in any setting, under any pressure.
Examples Table — What It Is vs. What It’s Not
Stated “Value” | What It Really Is | The Core Value Behind It |
“I respect my parents.” | Behaviour (specific action) | Respect |
“We value our customers.” | Organisational statement | Service, Care, Integrity |
“We share opinions honestly.” | Group norm | Honesty, Transparency |
“We play as one team.” | Group norm | Unity, Collaboration, Loyalty |
“Family first.” | Priority | Love, Loyalty, Commitment |
The 3-Step Values Check
To cut through the noise, I teach leaders and coaches a quick test:
Is it universal?
Does it apply everywhere, not just in one role or relationship?
Can it take different forms?
Can you live it out in many ways, not just through one behaviour?
Would it still matter if everything changed?
If the people, culture, or environment shifted tomorrow, would it still guide you?
If you can’t answer “yes” to all three, it’s not a value; it’s a behaviour, norm, statement, or priority. The real value is sitting underneath.
What is the use of this in real life?
Coaching Story: Behaviour vs Values, from almost burnout to excel.
A senior leader I coached once proudly listed “Deliver on commitments” and “Teamwork” as her two core values. These, she said, were the foundations of her leadership brand. She was known for always following through and never letting her team down, no matter the personal sacrifice required. One of her objectives was to find more peace in her life.
But when we ran them through the 3-Step Values Check, cracks appeared. Deliver on commitments wasn’t a value, it was a behaviour, one possible way to live a deeper principle. Teamwork was closer, but even that turned out to be a group norm in her department, reinforced by her industry’s collaborative nature. When we stripped away the context, what emerged was her Heart Brain value of Integrity, the thing she would stand for in any role or culture. That was the driver that explained why she cared so deeply about keeping promises and supporting others.
That single reframe was liberating. Integrity didn’t require her to martyr herself to every deadline; it meant being honest, honouring her word when possible, and - crucially - communicating openly and renegotiating when circumstances changed. Once she embraced Integrity as the compass point, she stopped treating overcommitment as proof of worth. The result? She freed herself from the constant burnout cycle, built more trust with her team, and still delivered high performance — but now with boundaries that kept her energised instead of depleted.
It also meant she could work effectively with people outside her immediate team without being tied to the “teamwork” label. She stopped equating worth with overcommitment and started measuring herself against her compass, not her calendar.
The Tech Company Trapped by Deadlines — How a “Meet Every Deadline” mantra hid the real value of Excellence.
At a leadership offsite for a fast-growing tech company, the executive team proudly declared one of their corporate values:
“We meet every deadline.”
They said it with conviction — it was part of their identity, a badge of honour. They also believed it reinforced their three other stated values: Integrity (“do what you say”), Customer Focus (“client is king”), and Innovation (“20% of our revenue comes from services and products that didn’t exist last year”).
On the surface, these four sounded solid. But when we dug deeper, the cracks began to show. The first three — Integrity, Customer Focus, and Innovation — were genuine Heart Brain drivers, yet each had been narrowed into a behaviour, a slogan, or a metric rather than framed as an enduring, universal principle.
Integrity had become “always deliver what you promise” — one expression of integrity, but not the whole principle.
Customer Focus was often interpreted as “say yes to every request,” even if it compromised quality or well-being.
Innovation was reduced to “ship something new every quarter,” tied to a revenue metric rather than the curiosity and creative exploration that truly drive innovation.
And “We meet every deadline”? That wasn’t a value at all — it was a group norm, born from years in a project-driven industry where delays could damage contracts and reputations. It had served them well in the scrappy start-up phase, but now it was creating a toxic reluctance to challenge unrealistic timelines — even when quality, safety, or strategic sense demanded it.
Value Analysis — Fast-Growing Tech Company
1. Integrity
What they say: “Do what you say.”
Classification: True value present (Integrity) — but framed as a single behavioural expression.
“Do what you say” is one way of living Integrity, but not the whole principle.
Underlying value: Integrity — acting in alignment with one’s word, commitments, and ethical standards in many forms, not just delivering on promises.
2. Customer Focus
What they say: “Client is king.”
Classification: Organisational statement + behaviour.
“Client is king” is a slogan, not the universal value itself.
Underlying value: Service or Partnership — meeting needs while balancing quality, safety, and long-term trust.
3. Innovation
What they say: “20% of our revenue comes from services and products that didn’t exist last year.”
Classification: True value present (Innovation) — but linked to a metric, not the value itself.
Underlying value: Innovation or Curiosity — encouraging creativity and exploration, regardless of immediate revenue impact.
4. We Meet Every Deadline
What they say: “We meet every deadline.”
Classification: Group norm, not a universal value.
Born from industry pace, but had become rigid — discouraging challenges to unrealistic timelines.
Underlying value: Excellence — delivering the best possible outcome while allowing strategic exceptions when quality, safety, or innovation require it.
Key observations:
All four were partially framed as behaviours, slogans, or metrics rather than as broad, universal principles.
The real values — Integrity, Service, Innovation, and Excellence — were present but hidden under industry-specific expressions.
“We meet every deadline” was the clearest case of a group norm masquerading as a value, and it was quietly eroding morale and retention.
Applying the 3-Step Values Check
When the leadership team applied the 3-Step Values Check, the blind spot became clear:
Is it universal? No — it only applied in deadline-driven contexts.
Can it take different forms? No — it was tied to one behaviour.
Would it still matter if the environment changed? Not necessarily — in R&D or strategic projects, it could be harmful.
The Reframe
When they stripped away the behaviour, they found the universal value underneath: Excellence. Excellence could include meeting deadlines, but it also legitimised taking more time when the stakes demanded it. Quality, safety, and strategic impact could now take precedence when needed, without leaders or teams feeling they were betraying their culture.
The shift was subtle but powerful. Deadlines remained important, but they were no longer treated as a moral absolute. Speed became one possible expression of Excellence, not its definition. The team gained permission to innovate without fear of “missing a date” and could slow down without guilt when the situation called for it.
The Result
Client trust improved. Employee stress levels dropped. Innovation cycles became more sustainable. The company could now scale internationally without losing consistency — proof that naming the true value protects both performance and culture.
The Silent Killer of Culture Change
Research from McKinsey shows fewer than 41% of culture change programmes achieve their intended results. The rest fade into the background or collapse entirely within a few years.
The failure isn’t usually about bad intentions — it’s about bad definitions.
Many companies roll out “values” lists featuring Integrity, Teamwork, Customer Focus, Innovation, Respect, and Accountability. These are important words, but without clear, universal definitions tied to the Heart Brain, they often collapse into behaviours or slogans.
This is a silent killer of culture change!
Furthermore, their explanations are often conditional, context-dependent actions, not enduring principles.
Take Customer Focus. As a value, it points toward Service or Care principles that can be expressed in many ways. But in practice, companies often reduce it to “respond to every email within 24 hours” or “say yes to the client no matter what.” Those are behaviours, and when workloads spike or client demands become unreasonable, employees either burn out or quietly ignore the “value” altogether.
The gap between the stated value and the lived reality breeds cynicism. Employees are quick to notice when the day-to-day reality doesn’t match the glossy posters in the hallway or the CEO’s all-hands speech.
That mismatch breeds cynicism faster than any competitor could.
They start to treat values workshops as just another HR or Marketing exercise, and culture change dies before it ever takes root.
The tragedy is that culture change usually fails not because people don’t care, but because the compass they’re given is broken. Without values that connect to the Heart Brain — universal, human principles that transcend individual roles — people can’t navigate change with trust and coherence. Instead, they default back to old habits, protecting themselves from the next flavour-of-the-month initiative.
The Transportation Company’s Safety Culture Reset — How redefining four “values” created one global compass for quality and safety.
A global transportation company approached us at the start of a major culture change programme. Their challenge was clear:
They were growing fast internationally, but they wanted the same quality and safety standards everywhere — from busy urban depots in Europe to remote delivery hubs in Asia and Africa.
On paper, they had a strong set of “values”: Care, Commitment, Community, and Confidence.
But when we examined how these were applied across the organisation, we found a familiar pattern: each department and even each country was interpreting them differently. And in many cases, they weren’t actually values at all.
In marketing, Care meant delivering customer experiences people would rave about. In operations, it meant ensuring every delivery arrived on time. In maintenance, it meant vehicle safety above all else. These weren’t wrong, but they were inconsistent and context-bound.
The same happened with Commitment. For some, it meant never missing a delivery window. For others, it meant going above and beyond for staff. In sales, it was interpreted as promising aggressive lead times to win contracts, often at the expense of operational reality and safety standards.
Community was celebrated in leadership speeches but took on different meanings in different corners of the business: “We hit our marketing targets,” “We stayed within budget,” “We met safety compliance.”
And Confidence? In the innovation team, the focus was on bold product launches. In customer service, the focus was on reassuring passengers in a crisis. In leadership, it was investor-facing optimism.
The risk?
Confidence became fragile, tied to current success rather than a deeper principle, and in some markets, it was used to justify risky decisions in the name of speed.
When we mapped these through the 3 Brains Intelligence lens, here’s what emerged:
Stated “Value” | 3 Brains Lens Classification | What It Really Is | Examples of How It’s Interpreted in Different Divisions & Countries | Risks |
Care | Heart Brain driver + behaviour mix | True value: Empathy / Compassion (Heart Brain). Behaviours: “actively listening,” “solving problems,” “correcting mistakes” — ways of expressing Care, not the value itself. | - Marketing: delivering brand experiences customers love.- Operations: ensuring cargo arrives on time.- Maintenance: prioritising vehicle safety checks.- Asia hub: focusing on customer complaints response speed. | If “Care” is defined only as customer service actions, it won’t guide behaviour in technical, back-office, or crisis contexts — or ensure consistent safety standards globally. |
Commitment | Heart + Gut Brain principle + overextension norm | Behaviours: “deliver on promises,” “never say no.” Group norm: “we always stand up for what’s right” in the company’s view. The true value underneath is Integrity / Responsibility. | - HR: supporting employee needs.- Logistics: never missing a delivery window.- Sales: promising aggressive lead times.- Africa hub: prioritising local delivery quotas over safety rest breaks. | Interpreted as “always say yes,” which fuels burnout, creates unsafe shortcuts, and prevents strategic decision-making. |
Community | Group norm tied to outcomes | Group norm: “we win together.” This expresses a value like Belonging / Collaboration but isn’t the value itself — it’s a rule for how the group behaves. | - Marketing: campaign success as proof of teamwork.- Operations: hitting annual delivery metrics.- Finance: staying within budget.- Eastern Europe hub: following HQ directives without adaptation for local safety laws. | Belonging feels conditional — trust erodes when performance dips or local realities clash with central policies. |
Confidence | Emotional state + behaviour | Emotional state: feeling brave, optimistic. Behaviours: “set new standards,” “innovate boldly.” Possible true value: Courage / Growth. | - Innovation team: pitching bold projects.- Customer service: reassuring passengers during delays.- Leadership: public optimism to investors.- Latin America hub: taking operational risks to meet “stretch” targets. | Confidence is fragile — tied to current success rather than a guiding principle, and may encourage unsafe decisions when under pressure. |
The deeper problem?
These “values” were often behaviours, group norms, or organisational slogans, not enduring, universal Heart Brain values. When each country or department reinterpreted them through its own lens, the company’s safety culture became inconsistent.
We worked with the leadership team to strip the language back to true values - Empathy, Integrity, Belonging, and Courage - and then mapped specific, safety-focused behaviours for each region. This meant that whether a driver was in Rotterdam, Milan, Johannesburg, or São Paulo, the compass was the same, but the behaviours were adapted for local context and safety regulations.
The result?
Within six months, safety incidents dropped, staff reported greater clarity on “how we do things here,” and culture survey scores improved in both trust and consistency across geographies. The safety-driven culture change began to stick because now, it was built on values that could travel anywhere.
How to Do This Yourself
Start with 10–15 words you assume are your values.
Apply the 3-Step Values Check.
Separate values, priorities, and behaviours.
Now narrow them down to three core values, the ones you’d choose when you can’t have everything.
Map them to your Heart Brain and decide how to live them in any context.
To conclude, why does this make a difference?
When leaders confuse values with behaviours or slogans, they give their teams a compass that spins under pressure.
In those moments, the Gut Brain defaults to self-preservation, the Head Brain clings to rules, and people retreat to habits that protect them, not the mission.
But true, universal values anchored in the Heart Brain - like Integrity, Empathy, or Courage - cut through the noise.
Courage here is not bravado; it’s the willingness to act even when the outcome is uncertain, to choose what’s right over what’s safe.
When the Head Brain adds clarity and the Gut Brain provides the extra push to execute, leaders not only protect their credibility — they give their people something rare: a shared compass that works anywhere, anytime, no matter how the landscape changes.
Final Thought
Brené Brown has done something extraordinary: she’s made values work both mainstream and deeply human. My approach is meant as an addition to the beautiful approach Brené introduced.
When you combine her discipline of choosing two core values with the 3 Brains lens, you get a compass that is:
True, not situational.
Enduring, unshaken by change.
Actionable, because you know which brain to engage to live it.
And when you can name values like that — and actually live them — you don’t just have a list. You have a navigation system that works under pressure, in crisis, and in change.
That’s the kind of compass every leader, every team, and every human needs.
Want to know about the 3 Brains? Why not discover your dominant Brain?
Take the free 3 Brains Dominance Test and find out what’s driving your decisions:
Take the Test: https://www.3brainsintelligence.com/3-brains-preference-test
Or join the next 3 Brains Intelligence training and learn how to coach, lead, and live from alignment: 🔗 Explore the Certification. https://www.3brainsintelligence.com/3-brains-coaching-development-overview
PS I love to read your insights or comments on this blog post.
Cheers Christoffel
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