Your Ego Isn’t the Enemy, It’s the Bodyguard You Forgot to Thank

The Real Hero’s Journey? Making Peace with Your Inner Protector

He sat down across from me, shoulders tight, jaw locked.

“I think my ego’s the problem,” he said. “I need to go on a hero’s journey. Face my demons. Slay my ego once and for all.”

Ever noticed how your stomach tightens when you’re about to do something brave — but your chest is what aches afterwards?

We call that courage, but half the time it’s just survival wearing a nicer outfit.

The Confession

He’d been a high-performing executive, burnt out twice, now on what he called a quest for authenticity.

“I read that the ego is the enemy,” he said. “That I have to kill it to find my true self. I read I could go on a hero’s journey to do that.”

I smiled. “If you kill it, who’s left to drive home?”

He frowned.

That’s the paradox: we worship the idea of the fearless hero, yet the one doing all the fighting inside us is terrified.

The 3 Brains Inside His Story

Neuroscience shows we don’t have one decision-maker, but 3: the Head, the Heart, and the Gut.

Each has its own network of neurons — 3 centres of intelligence that constantly debate every move we make.

• The Gut Brain keeps us alive. It’s fast, instinctive, and focused on survival.

• The Heart Brain connects us. It reads emotion, seeks belonging, and measures meaning.

• The Head Brain analyses, plans, and predicts.

When these 3 collaborate, we feel whole.

When one hijacks the others, chaos begins.

My client’s Gut had been running the show for years — pushing, achieving, protecting.

His Heart was exhausted. His Head was spinning in self-analysis.

No wonder he wanted a hero’s journey; he needed a map home.

The Ego Isn’t Arrogant — It’s Scared

How about I offer you an alternative perspective? 

He nodded

“The ego you want to kill,” I told him, “isn’t the enemy. It’s your bodyguard.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“It’s the part that learned to protect you when you were vulnerable. It says:

If I stay in charge, no one can hurt me.

If I look confident, they won’t see my cracks.”

That’s not arrogance. That’s fear in a suit and tie.

“How is this perspective for you?”

He looked down. “That sounds… familiar.”

“Yes, you are smart. You built it to survive.”

“What would happen if you saw that protector as a bodyguard rather than an enemy you have to kill?”

A released a long breath and said softly, almost like an inner dialogue: “Then I would have a warrior next to me instead of in front of me”

The ego is the sum of our inner Protectors. They are Gut-driven survival mechanisms reinforced by Heart-based needs for approval.

The Controller. The Performer. The Pleaser.

Each one built a wall around a wound.

The Gut Acts — the Heart Decides

“Courage,” I said, “isn’t in the Gut. The Gut provides power, not purpose.”

He tilted his head.

“The lion that attacks, is that bravery or is it hungry? 

For me, it's a survival instinct that makes him move, not courage”

He nodded slowly.

“True courage,” I continued, “lives in the Heart. It’s the moment you risk yourself for something larger. The Heart says this matters. The Gut says then let’s go.”

“That’s the biological alliance that creates the Hero — the integration of compassion and action.”

The Head joins later to plan, but it can’t create meaning.

Meaning is born when the Heart leads and the Gut follows with strength.

The Moment of Resistance

He sighed. “But if I let go of control, I’ll fall apart.”

“That’s your ego talking,” I said. “It fears chaos more than pain.”

“The ego shouts loudest when it encounters unknown territories. When the Heart whispers, it panics.”

“That’s your Gut’s survival circuit flooding you with cortisol,” I explained. “It’s biology, not weakness.”

He looked at me, silent. Something softened in his face.

“How is this different perspective for you?” I asked.

Tell me more about it, whilst he straightened his back and leaned forward

The Biology of Integration

We talked about the science:

• Dr Michael Gershon’s Second Brain research on the 500 million neurons in the enteric system.

• Dr Andrew Armour’s work on the heart’s own “little brain” of 100,000 neurons.

• The constant two-way communication along the vagus nerve linking Head, Heart, and Gut.

When those signals align, the body enters a state of coherence — characterised by calm alertness, emotional clarity, and grounded courage.

When they conflict, the ego takes command.

I told him, “You can’t think your way to balance; you have to feel it and embody it.”

How about a little, but powerful exercise to let you experience it?

The Shift

I asked him to breathe. Slowly. Deeply.

“Notice where the breath goes first,” I said.

“My shoulders, my chest,” he replied.

“Good. That’s your Gut that is putting you in an action mode. Now use your diaphragm and bring it down, and with every inhale expand your belly.”

After a few minutes, his shoulders dropped. The edges of his jaw loosened.

“What’s different?” I asked.

“It feels… quieter,” he said. “Like I don’t have to fight, but I feel strong. Strange”

“That’s not weakness,” I told him. “That’s integration.”

Re-training the Bodyguard

“So how do I stop the ego from hijacking me again?” he asked.

“You don’t stop it; you retrain it.”

He looked puzzled.

“Start by noticing which brain is driving. Head analysing? Heart pleasing? Gut pushing? Awareness is power.”

He nodded.

“Next, thank the ego. Literally. Say, ‘You’re doing your best to protect me. I love you.’ Gratitude disarms resistance.”

He smiled slightly.

“Then breathe into coherence. The vagus nerve links Head, Heart and Gut; when you breathe slowly, you reconnect the team.”

He closed his eyes. “And then?”

“Ask your Heart one question: ‘What’s the courageous choice here?’ Not the safe one. Not the clever one. The courageous one.”

The Hero’s Redefinition

He opened his eyes. “So the Hero’s Journey isn’t about slaying dragons?”

“Not the outer ones,” I said. “It’s about befriending the inner guard dog.”

He laughed softly.

“The Hero isn’t fearless. It’s honest. It still feels fear but moves anyway, guided by something bigger than self-image.”

He sat back, quiet now. “That sounds more human than heroic.”

“Exactly,” I said. “Real heroes bleed.”

The Science of Courage

What he’d just experienced wasn’t mysticism; it was neurobiology in action.

When the Gut and Heart synchronise, the nervous system balances sympathetic energy (drive) with parasympathetic calm (connection).

That physiological state is what courage feels like — energy in service of empathy.

Courage isn’t an emotion. It’s a coherent state.

A Week Later

He sent me a message:

“I had a tough meeting today. Normally, I’d control everything. Instead, I paused, breathed, asked my heart, ‘What’s the courageous choice?’ I spoke calmly. People listened. No battle. Just a connection. I think my Hero showed up.”

I smiled while reading it.

Not because he’d conquered his ego, but because he’d integrated it.

What the Hero Really Does

The Hero doesn’t kill the Ego; it leads it.

It thanks the Gut for its strength and the Heart for its empathy.

It lets the Head translate both into wise action.

That’s the alignment we were born for: biology and meaning pulling in the same direction.

When that happens, courage stops being a performance and becomes a presence.

The Invitation

Every person, every leader has inner protectors that once kept them safe.

The question is: are they still serving your growth, or just your survival?

So, before you rush to fight your ego, pause.

Ask yourself:

• Which of my 3 Brains is leading right now?

• Is my energy protecting me or connecting me?

• And what would my Hero — the one who leads with honesty, not armour — choose next?

Because the Hero’s journey isn’t about killing the Ego.

It’s about teaching it to follow the Heart.

Explore how 3 Brains Intelligence helps leaders retrain their protectors and activate authentic courage →

👉 Take the free 3 Brains 12 Protector Test

Love to hear your reflections on this coaching story.

Cheers Christoffel