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Relationships? Which Brain is Talking?




The 16th of March is the official launch and you can be the first to read it and have a free 3 brains coaching session!!!!


Why is it essential for every one who is having relationships to read this book?


The book answers the question: "why is it so hard to have happy relationships, and how to make it work and easy?"


Because, you could think that cutting-edge science would not be needed to address this question.


After millions of years of evolution you’d think we’d have worked out by now how to understand, get along with one another, and connect with our family, colleagues or fall in love with the right partner.


And still after being on this earth for more than 50.000 years...

Why do we still fall for the bad boy or girl, why do we want to rescue them?

Why is it hard to share our emotions?

Why is it sometimes so hard to be vulnerable and why do people say the things they do?

What is the connection between gut-wrenching or passionate feeling in our heart, and our communications and interactions? And how can science have proven we react to stimuli seconds before we are consciously aware of them?


Who is in charge inside us?

When you talk to someone — even your partner — do you really understand their intended meaning? Is it clear to you what they want to get out of the conversation? Is it actually really clear what you want? Moreover, is there a shared understanding of where this interaction fits in the context of your relationship?


You are about to discover the missing link to human understanding and why people act and talk the way they do and what is the key to having healthy, loving and long-lasting relationships.


It is called the 3 Brains - Head, Heart and Gut - Brains theory!


A little insight, why is it so hard to have happy relationships?

Reason 1: Our 3 Brains have a different view on the meaning of life …. hence WE, and our partner, family or colleagues too.


Reason 2: Our 3 Brains pitifully do NOT speak the same language, meaning WE, and our partner, family or colleagues could be saying the wrong and maybe painful things whilst having the best intentions in mind.


Reason 3: Decisions are mostly made by 1 or 2 Brains, not the 3 of them aligned, meaning WE, and our partner, family or colleagues could be barking up the wrong tree when we or they decide to do something.


Reason 4: When the 3 Brains do not communicate with each other, they stay reflexively loyal to the most dominant brain, and that could cause US pain, frustration, disappointment , destructive or failed relationships.


Relationships? Which Brain is talking? The Ultimate guide to Happy, Healthy & Successful relationships, is built around crucial new insights into the science of human thinking and feeling.

Current research has upended the notion that we have in our heads a single powerful mind that is home to our thoughts, emotions, and reactions. In fact, science now tells us that we have not one, but three centers of thought, memory and decision-making! Just like we all perceive, interpret, and react to the world in a distinctly different way, those 3 centers of wisdom have their individual responsibilities and strategies to serve us the best.


It is “just" the combination that makes it difficult and the fact that we actually do not know that we have these 3 centers of wisdom.

Relationships?! Which brain Is Talking will dissect this ground-breaking finding in detail to help you work on your relationships from the inside out.


In Relationships? Which Brain is talking?, you’ll learn about:

  • Why and how our 3 Brains - Head, Heart and Gut - are the ultimate solution to healthy relationships

  • Identifying your default programming – which brain dominates you?

  • What does it mean to have a Head, Heart or Gut Brain Partner

  • What are the strengths and weaknesses of the 3 Brains in relationships

  • Practical and highly powerful techniques for dealing and communicating with a Head, Heart or Gut Brain situation or partner

  • Extra: How the 3 Brains function in children

  • And so much more!


So, whether you want to create better bonds with the people around you or simply want to live a more fulfilled and happy life, this enlightening read is for you.


Just pre-order it on Amazon and for the first 10 who can send me the order receipt they will have a free 3 Brains Coaching Session of one hour!!




Big hug and love to see you at the free coaching session!


Cheers Christoffel


PS What did an executive coach and manager who proof-read the book had to share about it?

This book has become the platform for a myriad of self-learnings and self-discoveries for me.

Like any good book or paper that introduces a new theory, “Relationships? Which Brain is talking?” sent my brain into overdrive as I connected all the information I was receiving to my own life experiences.


There were so many “ah huh” moments throughout this book for me.


This new theory of how each of our brains can hold memories, information, and support our decision making throughout our life experiences is a catalyst for more deeply understanding much of the common dialogue we hear.


For example “my gut is telling me”, “is your heart really in it?”, or my personal favourite Indonesia saying “Kepala bisa panas, tapi hati harus dingin” which translates to “the head can be heated but the hearts should cool”, this means anything can be resolved with cool heart and open mind.


These types of approaches to understanding ourselves and the drivers behind what we think, say, and do have been intertwined in the fabrics of our society already. However, my personal experience so far is that is usually stops with just the saying and the concept.


This book has allowed me to start to think more deeply about these three areas within me and how I can utilise this theory to connect more with myself.


One of the exercises in the book particularly stands out to me.


The exercise invites the person to speak their name to their head, heart and gut, all the while focussing deeply on anything that comes up via sensation, memory or thought etc.

During this exercise it became clear that there is a massive disconnect between my gut and my head & heart brains. Although to some degree I knew this already but had previously only been able to describe it as “something deep feels off but I cannot translate it into words or concepts, it is just a deeper sense, and that is where the problems lie the most.”

This exercise allowed me to more directly speak and listen to my gut brain, separating it from my heart and my head in this conversation, even just for a moment, to connect and understand that this is the area I need to work on and get to connect to better.


The three brain theory allows people to understand and connect to a more specific area and focus in on where things are really happening for them. This communication with oneself is vital and a lot of people are already aware of this, however understanding the three brains will allow people to communicate with more intention and get more out of the moments spent trying to deeply understand oneself.


Utilising the three brain theory when approaching communication with other people will also support and facilitate more healthy connections. Understanding, really deeply, where other people are at (heart brain), knowing if they are in defence or self-protection (gut brain), knowing if they are regurgitating things they have been taught by society or understanding (head brain, gut brain) can make navigating relationships a much simpler task.


As noted in the three brain theory “there is no point trying to communicate to a gut brain with a gut brain.”


Having basic concepts like this will help save a lot of time and energy for people in their daily life.


If you can read and understand the basis of people’s communication and what they are requesting for or thanking for at the core of their message, then you will be able to make better decisions about your responses.


“Should I just leave this conversation now and let things simmer down for a bit, or can I change my tone and words to create safety and a trusting environment for this person who is in full gut brain mode.”


These two main areas of learning from the book are what have grabbed my intrigue the most and what I hope to better understand and learn throughout this is that I want the ability to read the three brains of others and myself to become second nature.


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