top of page

How MEN & WOMEN do FIT, the 3 brains theory

If I asked you how well you really understand your partner, I wonder what you would score on a scale from 1-10?

Honestly, higher or lower than an 8?

Of all the people I asked, more than 90% scored 8 or lower.

Many times in our lives, we fail to acknowledge our partners in the way we should – only because we fail to understand what they’re trying to tell us.

If you do some research on Google about how men and women think and what exactly they mean when they say certain things, you will find horrible stereotypes.

Men are, by and large, very simple creatures. They think about sex, food and sleep almost always and they will say everything and anything to achieve that! Whilst on the other hand, women are more contextual and emotional in their thought/feeling processes.

Women tend to think about “us” and harmony and prefer to lie, then tell what they think. Sometimes, these stereotypes go as far as to classify men and women as being creatures from different planets. When you believe that, there is a long journey to find and maintain the perfect relationship.

It is generally accepted to stereotype this as masculine and feminine traits or energy.

After 30 years of research, working with more than 10,000 people I have found another explanation that will make life easy and stop the stereotyping of masculine and feminine traits.


Our head brain provides us with logic and creativity. It is the latest invention of evolution and is also called the human brain. It is an enormous database stuffed with all the logical things we have learned, to use the past to predict the future better.

Our heart brain we share with all mammals and it is responsible for the emotions like love, hatred and compassion. It is the “us” brain. Without it there is no socialisation.

Our oldest brain which is 500 million years old is the gut brain. It is in charge of our survival and reproduction, and therefore is able to overrule the other two. It is the “me” brain.

Why do we have “issues” with understanding the other? Because men tend to rely more on the gut and head brain while woman operate more from their heart brain, hence the miscommunication.

As an example, when a gut brain dominated person comes home tired, the gut brain advice is to take a nap and take care of yourself and disconnect from the others. When a heart dominated person comes home tired, it rejuvenates by connecting and having a chat. Do you see the mismatch?

Furthermore, based on our past we could have some scars in 1 or all 3 of our brains that derail us even more. When somebody has experienced childhood or any kind of abuse trauma you can almost be sure their heart brain has a huge scar and their gut brain is always on alert and so is probably the one communicating by default.

Based on all of the generally accepted stereotyping that is done in the media; men stay in their caves and females should be understanding of that, what in fact is contributing to the mismatch in communication, and even worse keeps the gender difference alive. We can observe the issues that arise with this in our daily live at the office or at home.

Hence, there is no excuse for this different planets theory anymore as we all belong to planet Earth and when you know how our brains work: you will become aware of how easy it is to understand each other! So we can create a better workplace and remove toxic leadership etc from our dictionary.

Is there a way out? Yes, we can all learn what our preference is, and also recognise which is our partner’s, friend’s, colleague’s or manager’s dominant brain.

Even more important we can educate, adjust and align our 3 brains, they are not set in stone.

I wonder when you read this, what are your thoughts or feelings?

What if you ask yourself to open your heart more as a manager, or let the fear or anger go.

Where do you feel that?

I dare to bet your thoughts are in your head, being curious or disapproving of this article and when you think of opening your heart for this article. Do you feel it in your heart or maybe more in your gut? What do they say or share?

Do you need more proof about your 3 brains?

When you like to read the first chapter for free please send me an email or message.

Have amazing loving days!

Christoffel Sneijders

1 view0 comments


bottom of page